we have some conversation today. tatau la ape mood die. first of all, die marah saya. because i don't use my brain completely to think why he act like that. hanya tahu menangis dan menangis. die rase sgt rimas dengan keadaan tersebot. biasa la, perempuan kuat menangis, merajuk, mengade, xreti bedikari, sape nak kan? so he wants me to change. change for good. he said, for my own sake. he said, be matured. be more matured. think before talk. think before do something. personally, i dont know what to do, what to response, what to... you know. when someone yg you sayang, give a lot, i said A LOT complain about you, for sure mesti rase down sangat2 kan. rase macam ape jee diri sendiri. rase x begune and more. and more. MORE.

so i told him, get a robot. a robot ta merajuk, ta menangis, can do anything without any help. get a nice one. or perhaps, a beauty one. he refuse. saying that, he just want me. but i have to change. i sat silently for about 30minutes. thinking. just like he want kn. jadik, mule la keluar pelbagai soalan dalam kepala otak ni. how come he wants me, but he doesn't want to accept any my bad attitude? why he can't accept that as my weakness or imperfections? why he want to change me? why he can't accept me who i am, not the one he had create it?

i let all the questions inside my brain and my heart. sebab.. i'm afraid to discuss with him anymore. nanti die cakap saya ni saje nak sakit kan hati die. cakap ta serupa bikin. ta gune otak.

then, he proposed me back. sebab i keep saying he doesn't want me back. tapi saya ta jawab. truth is, saya menolak. sebab, sape yg akan cakap 'i do' bile kite lepas kene kritikan yg maha hebat dari orang yg kite sayang kn. tata la if ade orang yg terus terima. now i feel.. empty. i love him. i love him just the way he is. bila kite becinta, kite kne terima segala kekurangan dan kebrukan orang tu dengan se-iklas hati kan. mulut saya teruk. saya tao tu. sebab i'm sick being someone yang lemah-lembot and whatsoever tu. trust me, hypocrite tu benda buang masa. buang masa.

i wrote these, i mean all the entry about my heartbroken bukan apa. saya tao semua tu membosankan. saya mintak maaf. tapi nak wat cane. i need to throw it out. nanti jadik giler cane? plus, if you think you doesn't want to read them, just click X-button.